If i'm being honest, I so desperately want to be known. To be acknowledged. Hey world, its me, Camryn, an actual person that exists outside my children. A friend took this photo and it really just speaks to me about this season of life.
Rarely in focus, always present. THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY in this position. Probably because it's one of the hardest postures to take. Let me tell you, moms, this is why we need each other. Because we see the out of focus, we feel the out of focus, we bring each other into focus.
Motherhood is such a complex topic that most of the time it feels best to just keep our mouths shut and not rock the boat.
Why is motherhood such a loaded and sensitive subject? Because we care about it. Because it matters.
So deeply in fact that the very things we argue about are the things that should unite us. But we become blinded by our emotions, the depths that we love our own children.
As a young mom trying to raise small children in a time where the opinions flow freely and the divides are deepening, its easy to feel defeated. Breastfeeding, vaccinations, sleep training, education, oh it’s all just too much. In the end, aren’t we all just on the same team? Don’t we all just want to keep these humans alive, love them, and send them out into the world to make it a little bit better in ways that only they can? We can try to control as many factors as possible but eventually they will grow up, have to make their own decisions, and figure out who they are and where they fit in the world. I don’t want my kids to be just like me, and I definitely don’t want my identity to be in my kids. I want them to have a strong sense of self and use the ways they are unique to make the world better.
And gracious do we need each other to do this well.
I know Mother's Day stirs up so many emotions.
Maybe your mom was never really a part of your life. Maybe you have wounds from her that haven’t healed. Maybe you and your mom are best friends. Maybe you don’t want to be a mom. Maybe you have a houseful of kids. Maybe you can’t have children. Maybe you have had to say goodbye to a child. Or two.
We are shaped deeply by these things and in the joy and in the grief we get to choose how they impact us. Motherhood is not defined by birthing a child. It’s a process. Even if you never have a child of your own I am confident that there will be opportunity for nurturing and mothering if you desire it.
Anyway, motherhood is a lot of things.
It is challenging. It is beautiful. It is heartbreaking. It never looks the same, and it's never what you expect.
So often we focus on how we can mold and teach our children and I’m learning that one of the most beneficial things I can do is notice and engage in how they are actually transforming me. Hard and holy work. Hard and holy work.
Cheers cheers cheers to you, mamas.